The Puzzle
I don’t recognize myself anymore.
It’s like I fell asleep one day,
and someone tore me apart
piece by fragile piece, as if I were just a puzzle.
When they put me back together,
the edges didn’t match,
the colors bled wrong,
and parts of me went missing.
Now I rattle when I move,
empty spaces echoing inside me,
a body held together
with shaking hands and quiet despair.
I’m still here,
but I don’t fit.
I don’t feel whole.
I don’t feel like me.
Perpetually broken,
no end in sight.
Quiet Realizations
Ten months ago, I had a surgery that went terribly wrong. I woke up during the procedure, battled infections, endured complications, and was left with a body that doesn’t function like it used to.
And yet, when I seek answers, what I find is silence, doctors skirting around honesty, offering carefully crafted sentences that trail off into a quiet “but…” as if speaking the truth would automatically mean litigation or accusations.
I don’t want that.
I don’t want lawsuits or blame.
I want honesty.
I need understanding.
I’ve become a puzzle missing pieces, corners from another set jammed into place. I’m unable to fix what’s broken because I don’t even know what’s truly wrong. I spend days in bed, steps feel like my body might shatter, eating has become painful, my mood wavers, my hands tremble, and my nervous system hums with exhaustion.
And yet, I’m told to “wait and see.”
I’m told “it’s not that bad.”
I’m told “you’ll adjust.”
But what happens when you can’t?
What happens when the gaslighting grinds you down until your soul fractures?
We’ve lost something fundamental in healthcare, the human connection that puts people first. When mistakes are made, honesty is replaced with self-preservation, and patients are left to carry the weight of those choices alone.
Ten months later, I am more broken than I was before. That is my truth.
Where Do We Go From Here?
So where do we go when answers never come?
Where do we turn when trust has been stripped away?
For now, I keep moving forward, even if it’s one trembling step at a time, even if it’s through tears, even if my body feels like it could shatter. Because stopping isn’t an option. Because life, even in pain, still calls for us to rise.
I don’t know where this path leads.
I don’t know if there’s healing at the end of it.
But I know this: I will keep looking for answers, and I will keep speaking the truth, because silence is what broke me and maybe, just maybe, my voice is what will put me back together.
Follow my journey here and see if maybe, truth will be uncovered.
Until then, stay true, my fellow Zebras.
With love,
Catt Armstrong
@thezebranetwork.com
