Stay Soft
As I approach my 40th birthday, I’m reflecting on chronic illness, grief, resilience, and the unexpected strength found in remaining soft when life gives you every reason to harden.
The Gift of Staying Soft
The older I get, the more I realize what a gift it is to stay soft.
To take pain, hurt, disappointment, and at times even abuse, and not allow it to harden you. To let it pass through without taking root. To refuse to become bitter.
What a gift it is, to ourselves and to others, to stay soft, to stay kind, and to stay alive, even during the seasons when turning off the lights feels like the easier choice.
Turning 40 and Taking Inventory
Exactly one month from today, I will turn 40.
Lately, that number has been making me feel a certain kind of way.
For most of my life, I had a plan.
A clear one.
I worked hard, followed the steps, checked the boxes, and did everything I could to build the future I imagined.
But somewhere along the way, my failing health picked up the pen and rewrote the script.
Grieving the Life You Thought You’d Have
Today, when I look back at the list of goals, dreams, and milestones, I feel grief.
Grief for who I was.
Grief for who I thought I would become.
And even grief for the version of me I will never get to meet.
Not because I am broken.
Not because I have failed.
But because the life I worked so hard to control, write, and execute was rewritten without my permission.
Sometimes I feel like faulty code.
Like a ship drifting right when I planned to go left.
There is a unique sadness that comes with mourning a future that once felt certain.
One that many people living with chronic illness understand all too well.
The Temptation to Become Hard
In those moments, I understand the temptation to become hard.
I wonder if it would hurt less.
If anger would be easier than hope.
If walls would be safer than open doors.
When life repeatedly disappoints us, hardness can feel like protection.
But protection and peace are not always the same thing.
The Things That Make Me Rich
Then I think about the constants in my life.
The things that make me rich beyond measure.
My children.
My husband.
My dog.
My friends.
And yes, you, my readers.
I think about the people who have loved me through every version of myself, and I remember why staying soft matters.
Softness Is Not Weakness
Because “softness is not weakness. Softness is courage”
It is choosing kindness when life has not always been kind to you.
It is choosing hope when fear would be easier.
It is choosing to remain open-hearted in a world that often encourages us to close ourselves off.
Staying soft does not mean allowing others to harm you.
It means refusing to let that harm define who you become.
What I Hope the Next Decade Brings
I don’t know what the next ten years and one month will look like.
I don’t know what my health will do, where this road will lead, or how many detours still lie ahead.
But I hope the years ahead bring peace.
I hope they bring soft mornings and pain-free nights.
I hope they bring laughter around crowded tables and quiet moments that remind me how lucky I am to be here.
Most of all, I hope they allow me to stay soft—for the people who count on me, for the people I love, and for the person I am still becoming.
Thank You for Walking This Road With Me
Thank you for being part of this journey.
You mean more to me than you’ll ever know.
And while I can’t wait to see how the story ends, I’m learning that there is beauty in simply turning the page.
One chapter at a time.
One soft day at a time.
Before You Go
If this post spoke to you, I invite you to subscribe to the blog and follow along on social media. The Zebra Network was created to remind people that even in our hardest moments, we are never walking alone.
And if life ever feels heavy, please reach out for help.
There is no shame in speaking up.
There is no weakness in asking for support.
In fact, it may be one of the bravest things you’ll ever do.
If the weight of life ever becomes too much to carry on your own, tell someone. Call a friend. Talk to a loved one. Reach out to a counselor, doctor, or crisis line.
You matter.
Your story matters.
And no matter what your mind may tell you in a difficult moment, you are never alone.
If you are in the United States and need immediate emotional support, call or text 988, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or visit https://988lifeline.org/chat/ to connect with a trained crisis counselor 24/7.
Thank you for being here.
Stay soft. Stay kind. Stay with us.
